A Sieve Full of Water
by Ataokoloinona
Summary: She couldn't tell if he really cared sometimes. Did he love her, or just the idea of her? It didn't matter, she loved him, and she'd tell him in a way that he could understand. As a challenge.


If what happens in this one shot happened in canon I don't know if it would change a thing, but that's how it goes isn't it? A moment a moment, a word a word. Well this was written because I didn't like how Yukari left that insult hanging in the air. No matter how complicated their expectations for each other are. So I wrote this, yep. :D

And it's rated "T" because sex was the catalyst for this whole argument in the first place. Which is actually pretty funny if you think about it.

As for a song, because nothing says melodrama like backup music,"Never Gonna Give You Up" sung by Lyn Collins seems to fit the bill. I think that song is pretty accurate for their relationship. It's complicated right? XD

* * *

"_I thought yesterday... that if you felt sleeping with me... was more important then becoming a model... Then you were a stupid girl."_

~O~

And something in her snapped.

"No. You want to know what's stupid? _This _is stupid."

She dropped her bags and glanced at them apathetically as her clothes spilled down the stairs. Scraps. That's all they were. Scraps of the life, the attitude, the mind set, she'd tried to cobble together for herself. _And_ for him.

She felt tears begin to sting in her dry eyes. And it _was_ his fault. She didn't feel bad this time for putting all the blame on him. It was his fault and she _wouldn't cry _this time.

She prodded him in the chest with her finger. A beautifully manicured, _polished_ finger. She'd done that for _him_. If he hadn't captivated her that day, she'd still be at home studying, trying to make her mom happy. She'd still be a shy pushover. She'd changed for both of them.

"_This_ is _stupid_. I'm grateful for you and I love you and you still treat me this way. Why? Why do you turn everything I do for _you_ back on _me_? I slept with you because I love you, because I want to be close to you. ... What is _your_ problem?"

She was slightly gratified to see his eyes widen and his lips part in surprise, but she wasn't going to let him speak. If she stopped now she wouldn't have the courage to start again. She wouldn't have the heart to keep putting him down. It was part of his charm and her curse.

She poked his chest again. She had fallen hard, hard, hard.

"Is it so bad that I want to make you happy? Is it so bad that I want you to comfort me every once in a while? _Is it so bad_ that I just want to _be_ with you?"

The first tear fell. She was surprised she had lasted this long. She had to be careful or her voice would waver and then it would be all over.

"I love you George. I love how strong and sure of yourself you seem all the time. But I can't be like you all the time. You try so hard to make me one way only to ridicule me for following what I thought you wanted in the first place! It'd be nice for you to just tell me it'll be all right sometimes. To just talk sometimes. I don't know you like I want to. I'm not a mind reader George. I'm not."

She broke down and leaned against the wall, hugging herself. But she wasn't finished, she halfheartedly wiped at her eyes. She was sure they were red and puffy by now. She may not sweat easily but she made up for it in other ways. Oh yes she did.

George hadn't moved at all, he just looked at her with those glassy blue eyes. She loved them and she hated them. She didn't know how to take it, but either way it still hurt.

"I wanted to be a new person for both of us. I wanted you to love me too, so I tried to be all these things for _both _of us. What do you want George? What do you really want from me?"

She lost the will to say anything more. Her throat felt constricted and her eyes burned and she felt all alone again. She was sad and angry and confused and _embarrassed_. And she still didn't know a thing he was thinking, not one emotion. It sucked.

He took a step forward. She stopped him. Not a thing.

"Yes, I'm going to try and become a professional model. Yes, I'm going to try and go back home. Yes, I'd still like to be with you, but not like this. I've realized that together means two George. It means that we actually _talk_ sometimes. I want to understand you George, I still want to be what you need too. Let me know if you want that."

It would have been really cool if she could have left after saying that but her clothes were strewn all over the stairs. They were precious to her, even as scraps, and she didn't want to leave them only to have the others clean up after her. These were their clothes too, they were also George's. And now they were her's, they were her memories now. So very awkwardly she moved around George, sniffing so loud she thought the building would come down, to pick them all up and shove them haphazardly back into her bags.

She could feel her cheeks burning and for once she was glad that George hadn't said a thing. He hadn't tried very hard though she thought wryly. It was so easy to forget that he was just eighteen sometimes. He was like an enigma to her. She wondered if he ever thought about her that way. No, she didn't think George thought about anybody like that. He was so sure of himself all the time. She was jealous of that confidence.

No! This was about her drawing a line in the sand! It was George's turn now. To finally tell her what he really wanted.

When George began to silently hand her things to her she muttered a "thank you" so quietly she wondered if he'd heard it at all. But he nodded his head and she just tucked the corners of fabric more securely into her bags before clicking them shut again.

She stood and brushed some hair out of her eyes, she was higher up on the steps then he was. For once she didn't have to look up at him. It was... ironic.

She looked down at him for a few moments, and he just looked back. He was so handsome. She briefly thought he'd say something, or kiss her, or _do something_. But she was disappointed. Again.

She took a deep breath, this was George they were talking about after all, the ball was in his court now. How he liked and didn't like it. He was so contrary. All she could do was wait now.

"I _am_ going back. I'll still be in the show so you don't have to worry. And... I'll wait for you." She whispered the last part but she knew he'd heard it.

She thought she saw his eyes soften, but it could just have been her love sick mind playing tricks on her. She hated that. She wished he'd just _tell_ her what he was feeling! Did he feel anything for her at all? Was this whole "relationship" a joke to him? No, she couldn't play into that. There was something here, she was sure of it and she'd hold on to it. Onto him. Because she had to.

Tears began to prickle in her eyes again. This was bad. She had to go quick or she wouldn't be able to at all.

She fled to the subway before her doubts could catch up to her and stop her feet from pounding the pavement like her heart was. _Ba-dum ba-dum_. Just like that.

He wouldn't like it if she caved after finally having the guts to stand up to him.

The tears dripped down her cheeks again and her cell phone rang. She ignored it.

No matter what she did, she couldn't stop thinking about him.

He drove her crazy.


End file.
